Everyone, meet our little girl, Lily.  Lily was given to us by a nice lady who had developed severe cat allergies.  Our girl is 5, which suits me just fine to bypass the whole kitten-kaboodle.

Currently, Lily's favorite activies include: hating us for removing her from her own, biting our hands if we come too close, not being petted and looking at her wonderful toys like they are anal probes.

I'm exaggerating a bit, but she's being really slow to warm to us.  Today is her first full day in her new home, so I'm not surprised.  Besides, I came home today to nice sugars.  Her current favorite toy is my cigarrette wrapper.  She loves it.

So, meet our pride and joy.  We're registered at PetSmart.

 

Today I begin my early late twenties.

Sooooo oooooold.

Well, it took me some time to post this, as I've been drawing and painting for hours on end the past couple days. Plus, I had to call my mother first.

So, here's it is:

Layne asked me to be his husband. Woo hoo!

It was very romantic. We went to bed last Saturday at no particular time. We were talking and laughing, and he said he had a surprise for me. Sure enough, he gets into his sock drawer and pulls out a gorgeous ring that he had designed himself.

Of course, I cried.

Now, unfortunately, I won't be able to show off the ring for awhile. It's too big. What is weird is that we had tried on ring sizes, and I fit a 10 every time. We get this one and it falls off my hand. Awwww :(

So, I'll have my ring soon. We'll have matching rings. Of course, it's the gesture that is the meaningful thing here. Layne wants me to stick around, and I want the job.

I told him it could have been a piece of yarn, which he heartily accepted. Then I bitch slapped him and told him I wanted my bling.

It's hard keeping your woman in line.

So, I figured something out. When you're already in a good situation, Valentine's Day really is just another day. We celebrate each other in great ways all the time, so why should yesterday be much different? I got him cute underwear, he got me two bottles of my favorite wine. We kissed, cuddled, ate really good BBQ. It was lovely.

Today I have a class cancelled, so I'm supposed to be researching for a project. Instead, I sit here in the library and surf the interweb. How productive indeed.

In a couple of days, Layne and I are receiving a SNES with like 13 games thanks to our good friends at Ebay. All in all, it was really affordable. So, if any of you out there have old SNES games that are gathering dust, I'd be glad to pay for some shipping and take them off your hands. But if you're the people I think you are, you are still playing those games, and I can nary blame you. SNES is AWESOME.

School is going well, but I keep having so much trouble because my drawing is so elementary. I mean, it's getting better, but not fast enough. I still think it's hard and it still doesn't want to be my bitch. Ugh. My whole school experience is being defined by my incapacity with a pencil.

I wish our Nintendo were at home now. That would be awesome like woah.

OK, so I had a wild hair up my rear and decided that I had been away from my journal for a year now. Turns out, you can sign right back up! Who'd of thunk? I've been using the old myspace, but I had a certain affinity for LJ, plus I miss reading up on friends that only post here. I missed you all.

I suppose an update is in order.

So, I'm over halfway through my first year of the MFA. Some days its awesome, some days sheer torture. You're constantly being scrunitized, examines, reamed, criticized and talked about, so that is never fun. But, I've grown a lot as an artist and as a thinker, so that's fun.

In order to regain some sanity, I took a job teaching kids theatre on the weekends for this month. That has been a welcome salvation!

For those who don't know, I've got a great man down here. Ooooh, let me tell you he's fabulous. His name is Layne and we're about to celebrate five months. We lived together going on three months (you know, taking it slow) and that has been marvelous. We're great roomates, we live just about the same ways and I'm having a great time being a housewife. I really wish you all could meet him.

Life in Knoxville is fun: there seems to be more going on here than in Lexington. Layne's been here for three years, so I got a whole other non-theatre social network that is great.

I've been working out and am down to UNDER 200 lbs, thank you. I look good and feel better (although I will admit to having not been to the gym in a week).

The family is good, too. My sister's with a new man, and we actually like this one a lot.

I had a dog, then got rid of her. I'm not meant to be a pet owner, I'm pretty sure.

So, I'll be back and post my ramblings as usual. It sort of feels right.

Love you!

In the course of three days, I have lost the two most important people in the world to me. One I lost to congestive heart failure, the other to his own devices.

Were I to be more religious, I would assume God is testing me. As I am now, I say my life sucks. I'm trapped in a town full of people who don't care that I exist as a person. Yet, some of my most cherished people are here too.

I realized last night that the past six months have been the lowest of my young adult life. They have, ironically, contained some of the most joyful experiences as well.

This is life: a bittersweet dance on rocky terrain.

I feel so lonely right now I could scream. Yet, I have some amazing people giving me comfort. How can one feel lonely when he is surrounded by love?

There were three people in the world that I trusted implicitly. One is dead, one I cannot face and the other is about to have major surgery (my mother). Is this the trinity of misery? Will something happen to her now? Are the foundations of my life just being taken from me one by one until there is nothing left?

No, there is no going back now. Actions have been set in motion that cannot be undone without undoing me as a person. I feel like I have lost everything, even my little coffee store refuge.

Nothing is sacred.

Before I go to sleep tonight, I have offered up a prayer to myself. This prayer comes in the form in Helen Reddy. I picture me singing this song to myself, and I think of the all the people who truly love me. And I try to not think about what is bad. I'm trying: between my willpower and tylenol PM, I hope to wake tomorrow refreshed, wiser and with insight as to what to do next.

Candle On The Water

I'll be your candle on the water
my love for you will always burn.
I know you're lost and drifting
but the clouds are lifting.
Don't give up you have somewhere to turn.
I'll be your candle on the water
'till ev'ry wave is warm and bright.
My soul is there beside you
let this candle guide you.
Soon you'll see a golden stream of light.
A cold and friendless tide has found you
don't let the stormy darkness pull you down.
I'll paint a ray of hope around you
circling in the air
lighted by a prayer.
I'll be your candle on the water
this flame inside of me will grow.
Keep holding on you'll make it
here's my hand so take it.
Look for me reaching out to show
as sure as rivers flow
I'll never let you go.
I'll never let you go.
I'll never let you go...

Things life has taught me:

1. All men think with their dicks. Show me a guy you think doesn't, and I will show you one without any opportunity.

2. Some men can mentally understand what is and is not appropriate, but alcohol has a magic way of erasing all of that.

3. Even those who claim to love you won't pay a second thought when it feels right.

4. Fooling around is never an accident.

5. Men would rather seek forgiveness than ask permission.

6. Gay men are the most vile, self-centered creatures known to man.

7. I am, in fact, a woman.

8. There is a line: eventually time teaches you that some people, no matter how often you forgive them, will always find a new and bastardly way to hurt you.

9. Karma is a bitch and will make you pay for shit that you didn't even think you had done.

10. I'm done.

Somedays, I shouldn't get out of bed.

My dog of eleven years, Mazie Jane, died this morning from complications due to congestive heart failure.

Anyone who ever met Mazie instantly proclaimed her as the one of the best dogs they had ever met.

Mazie was my Valentine Day's gift from my parents back in 1994. She had been my best friend ever since.

Even though I haven't made it home much over the past few years, she always loved and welcomed me as if I had never left. Mazie mothered us when we were sick, nurtured us when we were sad, and elated us when we were happy.

She was the most wonderful surprise I ever received.

Mom called shortly before 10:00 this morning, just so I could tell her goodbye. I sobbed instantly and told her how much I loved her, how much she meant to me and that I would see her again in heaven. Mom held her as she passed; dad stroked her back while she drifted. She died with her trademark dignity, and even had the foresight to comfort mom as she, herself, was dying.

If you know my family, the next part won't be a surprise.

Mazie has been cremeated and her ashes will be given to me. I don't seriously know what to do with them, whether to keep them or allow her release. This truly is the first time I have lost a pet.

So, this is my eulogy for you, my adorable and loving doggie. You were my truest and most steadfast friend.

I love you.

Mazie Jane
1993-2006